zombies can tease too
Bullies can be anyone.
So I’ve been whackin’ away at this World War Z post-war interview mess, and I feel like somewhere in the writing it got away from me a bit?
If you recall from my first zombie-related post, I had the character already decided. The tricky part is in making the poem “interview style.”
For example, check this ultraexclusive sneak peak:
[ I am here to meet
with one particularly troubled girl.
She has terrified the orderlies
and failed to treat the world
as any different since
the ending of the cataclysmic war.
I am hoping to outdo the staff
and document her lore.As I read the doctors' files
they escort her to the room.
She walks with head down
and they strap her legs to her chair. I assume
that previous encounters
have not been successful. I resume
reading the papers as the door shuts.
There is silence, there is gloom.I set the papers to the side
and press record and see her face.
She is doll-like and expressionless.
She doesn't blink, her gaze
seems to be focused far beyond me.
I shudder inside, and I place
the tape recorder on the table.
There is silence, and she waits. ]Nice to meet you.
I am here to ask some questions if you please.
Is that okay or would you rather
that I stop the tape and leave?[ She is staring without answering,
unblinking and intense.
I look her over, taking note
of the inscription on her chest.
She has carved the name "Alisa"
several places in her flesh.
I decide there is no danger
and with questioning commence. ]
That would roughly be the opening. The interviewer’s internal monologue was prose at first, but when I started writing for her I decided it would be more cohesive if everything fit the same rhythm. The bold is how it would appear in the final draft, to differentiate him from her.
Now for the reader participation stuff:
Do you think the rhyme/rhythm carried throughout will get too…monotonous?(Sometimes I get stuck on a particular rhythm and run with it.) Or do you think it works? An inescapable rhythm can push the reader through the poem.
Also: I know it seems a little heavy-handed with the interviewer’s thoughts. The opening is like that. The next section involves more of a dialogue(ish). The final and biggest section is devoted to her telling her story.
She ended up being more…understandable than I might have liked. I get the feeling I’m going to change her words to a more cryptic format.
I mean, look at ultraexclusive sneak peak #2:
I was happy;
there were cloudless days
and sprawling trees
and bliss,
there were libraries
and teachings
and the best of us
were kids;
and, later
the city overrun,
the populace
in panic
and the screams;
I asked the girl
to find my parents,
she responded
with a “Please,
stay here and
try to regain strength;
I fear that soon
we’ll have to leave.”
I’m afraid she seems too lucid for a girl who spent 15ish years surviving in the wild. (Timeline: 15ish when abandoned, war lasts 10 years, interviews are 10 years later. She would be about 35.) I made her older than most “feral” kids would probably be, but I did it so that her vocabulary could be more exciting. The above doesn’t seem exciting. I suppose the good news is that I am getting her story more concretely lined out.
I want her convoluted and intense. I’m working on it. I’ll probably post both versions on dA for clarity’s sake, but the complex one will be the one I actually like. 
I’m a fan of complications.
Anywho, I hope you enjoyed the sneak peaks (they were ultraexclusive, you know). Let me know what you think! I can take a criticism, so don’t be afraid to unholster the big guns. Just don’t be the “hogawd u sux at writingz I think u shud *string of expletives*” kid. Though I don’t expect any of you to be, dear readers.
Until the next outbreak,
Charles
